This year I resolve to do nothing. I am just not making any goals or resolutions. I want to be free of any sort of expectation that I place on myself.
The only item on my agenda for 2014 is adoption, and it’s a process I have very little control over. I will do what is needed and required, but the rest I am placing in God’s and the Commonwealth of Massachusetts’ hands.
My heart is ready, my house is ready. I will not over think it or stress about it.
First up are the MAPP classes, which begin on Tuesday, January 7th.
The last few weeks have been stressful, work has been crazier then normal, much crazier, despite this I want to make sure I document each moment of the adoption process I have begun. For me, for the child(ren) of my heart.
Before I get too far into the nitty-gritty details of the process, I want to document why this moment and time in my life is the moment I realized what my heart aches for.
Above anything else I have always wanted to be someone’s mama. For as long as long as I can remember I have always wanted kids, even in the moments where I wasn’t entirely sure. There have been moments when I have even spoken the words “I don’t think I want children”, but they were only spoken to hide the ache I felt in my heart at the thought of a childless life.
I just never felt ready, then in a moment I was. One simple act, words quietly spoken, my heart opened and readied itself. I hadn’t realized all the sorrow I burdened my heart with, well that’s not entirely true. I knew, with every waking moment, what that sorrow felt like. What I hadn’t realized was how to unburden it, and in those magical three minutes I was able to let go of the sorrow. It sounds so simple, because it was, shockingly so.
Now the process begins. It’s going to be long, my heart will probably break once or twice or ten times, but it will be worth every moment, every second, every fear.